


How Did We Get From Saying I Love You

by starry_mist



Category: Hudson & Rex (TV)
Genre: Angst, But Eventual, Charah - Past Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Like it's gonna be long, Okay enough with the tags already, super long
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-24 22:01:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30078993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starry_mist/pseuds/starry_mist
Summary: Of course it would be him. Fate was cruel that way.
Relationships: Charlie Hudson/Sarah Truong
Comments: 70
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I swore up and down that I wouldn't start another fic, particularly another long fic, while I still had one on the go. However, this idea came to me, and I spent a good amount of time yesterday fleshing out the story, so now you get two fics for the price of one, I guess. I don't know. I have a sickness.
> 
> This is going to be a ton of chapters. Why do I do this to myself?
> 
> Title from the Great Big Sea song of the same name.
> 
> Characters aren’t mine (except for a few of my own creation.)

After a long, cold winter, signs of spring had finally arrived in Nova Scotia. Birds were returning. The snow cover was melting

A warmer April rain had sped up the thaw in some areas. The thaw which had uncovered a body, half-buried near a local hiking trail. 

In the forensics lab at the Halifax PD headquarters, Sarah removed her gloves, having completed her preliminary examination of the hiker. The examination had revealed signs of strangulation, defensive wounds. Two small puncture wounds at the back of the victim’s neck, which was odd. They were looking at a murder. A murder with eerily similar signs to one they’d investigated in the fall.

Rolling her head from side to side, feeling the tension in her shoulders, Sarah shrugged off her lab coat and headed down the hallway to her office.

“Dr. Truong?”

She turned. It was Tina, one of the younger lab techs, who despite Sarah’s insistence that she call her by her first name, still couldn’t seem to drop the honorific. 

“Yes, Tina?”

“You have a phone call, a Superintendent Joe Donovan from the St. John’s Police Department? Something about the Miller case. I put it through to your office.”

Joe. Well there was a blast from the past.

“Thanks,” said Sarah, forcing a smile as she opened the door to her office. She picked up the phone.

“Joe, hi! Yeah, it’s great to hear from you. What can I...okay. Right, okay. Yeah, I can tell you what I know from my initial examination.”

*****

An hour later, Sarah remained in her office, lost in thought. A hiker in St. John’s had found a body with similar puncture wounds to the one HPD had found in the fall, and the one that currently lay in her lab. The evidence suggested a link between all three bodies. As suspected, they were likely dealing with a serial killer. Sarah had been working closely with Detective Samantha Larson on the case in Halifax, and now SJPD wanted one of their detectives to come down to investigate the similarities between their case and this one. Their detective would be arriving that afternoon.

Sarah let out a frustrated sigh.

Of course it would be him. Fate was cruel that way.

Two years since she’d left the job in Newfoundland. Two years since she’d said goodbye to her life there, since she’d packed up and moved to Halifax.

Two years since they’d...well they hadn’t really said goodbye, had they?

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so...you can see, I'm sure, that I'm setting them up for a ton of angst. Just remember, Charah are always my endgame.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter, but needed to get it posted so they're at least in the same place at the same time.

“We’re going to need you to head to Halifax and liaise with their people on this.”

Joe’s words echoed in Charlie’s mind as his plane taxied to the gate. He hadn’t missed the knowing look the older man had given him, the words he’d left unsaid.

She’d be there.

Charlie retrieved his bag from the overhead compartment and exited the plane.

Heading for the car rental counter, he remained lost in thought.

He wasn’t ready to see her.

He wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready to see her.

Fate seemed to have other ideas.

*****

It had been more than a few years since he’d been to Nova Scotia, but the route to the Halifax PD headquarters was somewhat familiar. Parking in the visitor lot, he headed for the building. 

“May I help you?” asked the young man at the reception desk.

“Yes, Detective Charlie Hudson, SJPD.” He pulled out his badge. “I have an appointment with Detective Samantha Larson?”

“Oh, yes, Detective Hudson.” The receptionist checked his ID, handed him a visitor badge. “Fifth floor. Detective Larson is waiting for you.”

He went to the elevator, pressing the button for the fifth floor, mentally preparing himself as the numbers climbed. 

The doors opened.

“Detective Hudson?” The woman who greeted him was a few years younger than him, sharp features, auburn hair wound into a tight bun. 

“Charlie’s fine,” he replied, shaking the woman’s outstretched hand. “You must be Detective Larson.

“Call me Sam. Follow me, I’ll fill you in on what we’ve got so far. You want a coffee?”

“Sure, that would be great.”

Heading for the coffee station, Detective Larson caught him up on the details of HPD’s investigation. Charlie filled her in on the body that had been found in St. John’s.

“Charlie, if you don’t mind,” Sam said, stirring cream into her coffee, “I’d like to have our Forensics head join us as we look at the case files.”

Nodding, he tried to keep his features steady as his stomach dropped.

They came to an office door, the nameplate displaying a name he would never forget, no matter how much he might try. 

“Come on in,” came the familiar voice. 

Sam opened the door, and suddenly there she was, seated at her desk, eyes fixed on her computer. Her hair was a little longer, a return to the darker waves that cascaded softly over her shoulders. Beyond that, she looked exactly the same.

Sarah was trying just as hard as he was to hide her emotions, having known exactly who would be at the door.

“Detective Charlie Hudson, this is our Chief of Forensics, Dr.—”

“Hi, Charlie,” said Sarah, reluctantly turning to face him.

“Hi, Sarah.”

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still angsty, but um...there's a dog? That's happy, right?

Sam looked between the two of them, feeling the tension in the air. “Right, it should have occurred to me that you might have known each other when Sarah worked in St. John’s.”

“Yeah,” Sarah tried to cover her reaction to seeing him again. “SJPD Major Crimes is a pretty small team.” 

One of the draws of the job in Halifax had been the chance to work in a larger department. Much easier to be just another face in the crowd. 

Of course, she’d had other reasons for leaving.

She stood, walking over to the detectives. “It’s good to see you, Charlie,” she said cordially, shaking his hand.

“You too,” he replied, trying to keep his voice even, not wanting to betray the emotions her presence brought up for him.

Seeing the stiffness in their interaction, Sam decided not to push it but made a mental note to ask Sarah about their history later. Clearly this was more than just two former coworkers meeting again. 

“So, Charlie, let’s see what you’ve got,” she said, leading them out the door.

*****

A few hours later, Charlie sat at the desk he’d been loaned, compiling the evidence from the Halifax case with his notes from St. John’s. 

His work was interrupted by an incoming video call.

“Hi Jesse,” he said as he answered.

“Hey, Charlie.”

A bark came from behind the tech specialist. Rex came into view as he jumped behind Jesse upon hearing his human’s voice.

“Hi buddy. I miss you too. I’ll be home soon.”

“So, Charlie, I’ve got some shots for you from CCTV footage near the area where the victim was found,” said Jesse. “I’m sending you the images now.”

“Great, thanks.”

There was an awkward silence.

“Is she there?” Jesse asked cautiously.

“Yeah, she is.”

“Well, um...tell her we all say hi.” The younger man looked awkward. More than his usual level of awkward.

“Yeah, I’ll pass that along.” He quickly ended the call.

Charlie headed over to Sam’s desk to update her.

“I have some more images from near the crime scene in St. John’s,” he said, passing his tablet over to her. “I’ll send them to your email as well.”

“Oh that’s great.” The detective examined the photos. “Wow, check out the resolution on these. Your tech person knows their stuff.”

“Yeah, Jesse’s a rock star,” came Sarah’s voice from behind them. She had her coat on, about to leave for the day.

Charlie looked up. “He, um...he says hi. From everyone.”

“Hi back,” she replied.

“I’ve got to go check into the hotel,” said Charlie. “So I’m going to head out. I’ll give you my number if you need to get in touch.”

“Sarah already passed it along,” Sam replied.

Why did it surprise him that she still had his number? Not that she’d ever used it, beyond that first month or so when they'd said they'd keep in touch and then...hadn't. 

“Okay, well, give me a call if you need anything, otherwise I’ll be back in the morning.” Charlie headed for the elevator.

Sarah followed him, standing at a distance as they waited for the doors to open. They kept the same distance upon entering.

Watching the numbers slowly count down, Sarah broke the silence, unable to take it anymore.

“How’s everyone back home?” Her voice nearly broke on the last word.

“They’re good,” he replied, not meeting her eyes. 

“How’s Rex?” She missed the big dog more than she would ever admit.

“Same old Rex.”

“He didn’t make the trip?”

“Not this time. Renley’s “borrowing” him for a case.”

“Wow, that’s growth, Charlie.” Sarah laughed despite herself, remembering the officer Charlie had often butted heads with.

He let out a chuckle. “Yeah, I suppose it is. She’s, ah...she’s actually been filling in with Major Crimes from time to time.”

Sarah knew this, of course. She kept in touch with Kelly, who’d taken over her old job in Forensics.

The elevator made it to the lobby and they stepped out.

“It really is good to see you,” Sarah said, turning to Charlie once more. “It’s been...It’s been too long.”

“Yeah, um. You too.” He smiled at her.

She noticed his smile didn’t reach his eyes. It was his old smile. The one she’d always seen from him before they’d become friends, then best friends, then moving beyond friendship, to lovers. She could see in his eyes that he’d shut down even more since she’d left. The wall he’d built around himself, the wall she’d helped break down, was firmly back in place. 

She let out a sigh. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He just nodded as she turned to leave, eyes lingering on her for a moment as she walked away.

*****

Unlocking her door, Sarah dropped her keys on the table before she was nearly knocked over by 70 pounds of Labrador retriever flying at her. 

“Hey, Daisy,” she laughed as the dog licked her face. “Yeah I missed you too. Should we go for a walk?”

The dog’s ears perked up at the magic word and she circled Sarah’s legs.

Grabbing Daisy’s leash, they headed out. 

She took a longer route, needing to clear her head. Seeing Charlie again had brought up a lot of feelings she’d thought were buried.

*****

Later that night Sarah went to her bedroom closet, pulling out the one box she’d never unpacked since she’d moved here. She opened it, took out a few items. A photo from a whale watching tour she’d gone on with Charlie. A plush German shepherd he’d given her, making her laugh as he told her it was a “spare Rex.” 

Her gaze fell on a framed picture of the two of them at the SJPD Christmas party, arms around each other’s waists, her head resting against his shoulder, smiles on both their faces. A couple in love.

A tear slid down her face. Sniffing, closing the box, she put it back in her closet before dressing for bed.

*****

Across town, Charlie was trying to get comfortable on the hotel bed. They were always too soft for him. 

He’d called Jesse to check in on Rex, who he was assured was enjoying his “bro time” with the tech specialist. Whatever that meant.

Still looking at his phone, he pulled up the same photo of him and Sarah at the Christmas party. He still couldn’t bring himself to delete any of their pictures. It would be acknowledging that she was truly gone from his life. Which apparently she wasn’t yet. 

Seeing her today, she looked as beautiful to him as she ever had, whereas he felt like he’d aged 10 years since they’d parted. Missing her, he’d thrown himself completely into work, into caring for Rex, into a series of flings that had no chance of working out. No one would ever measure up to what they’d had together. And what they’d lost after that day.

He never wanted to think about the horror of that day. It still came back to him most nights regardless. He’d made progress, working through his feelings of guilt, of failing her, of the responsibility he still carried for what had happened. All with the help of a good therapist, one he’d contacted after putting his hand through a wall one night, the product of frustration, an impulsive move to make the nightmares, the memories stop. They hadn’t stopped, but he was slowly able to process them, slowly healing. 

None of that changed the fact that she’d left, she’d moved on. He carried that guilt too, recognizing how much he’d pushed her away before she’d even been gone.

He sighed, pulling the blankets over himself as he tried to get some sleep.

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is coming together far more quickly than I'd expected, mostly because I'm really having fun writing it.
> 
> I'm completely making up the serial killer stuff, I have no idea if it will make any sense, but it's far less important to the story. I'm already taking liberties with two fictional police departments, I figured why not make up a crime to go with them.

Charlie entered the HPD bullpen, coffee in hand, dark circles under his eyes.

“Morning, Charlie,” said Sam. “You sleep okay?”

He shrugged. “I don’t tend to sleep well in hotel rooms. The beds—”

“Are always too soft.” Sarah finished his sentence before she even realized what she’d said. 

They looked at each other in twin expressions of shock. 

Sam barely held in her laughter.

“Anyway, we have a potential lead. We got a hit on an abandoned truck that matches the description of the one seen leaving the crime scene from last fall. Might be nothing, but a team’s on their way regardless.”

“Mind if I ride with you?” Sarah asked her.

“Sure. Charlie, you want to follow us?” 

*****

“Alright, spill it.” Sam was nothing if not blunt.

Sarah sighed, knowing the questions would come eventually.

“Yes, we worked together in St. John’s.”

“Spill all of it.”

“We dated. For a long time.”

“And?”

“And it ended.”

“Oh come on, you gotta give me something. That is a very attractive man who is clearly still stuck on you.”

“He is not.”

“Attractive or stuck on you?”

Sarah paused. “The second part.” 

“I don’t know. There’s some definite sexual tension there.”

“There really isn’t.”

“Whatever you say…” Sam chuckled.

“Why the sudden interest in my love life? My very much in the past love life?”

“Well, as a friend, I’m just saying...you very much need to get laid.”

“Samantha!” Sarah cringed, suddenly wishing she had gone with Charlie. At least it would have been a silent ride.

“You broke up with Chris what, 6 months ago? I know that was hard, but still. You gotta get back out there. And here’s the very attractive ex all of a sudden...”

“Is there anything I could possibly say right now to get out of this conversation?”

“He’s a good-looking man is all I’m saying.”

“I’m telling Jack,” Sarah said with a dry laugh, referring to Sam’s husband.

“I’m married, not dead, and Detective Blue-Eyes is a hottie. You’re really not going to tell me what happened?”

“Another time, okay? It’s...there was a lot to it.”

Sam considered. She knew a lot about her friend and colleague, but clearly she’d kept this part to herself for a reason. 

“Is he the reason why you left St. John’s?”

Sarah let out a breath. “He...What we became...It was part of the reason.”

She was grateful Sam didn’t press it further as they turned into the parking lot.

The forensics team had already set to work, surveying the scene, taking pictures and samples from the tire tracks. She began a visual inspection of the vehicle.

Charlie arrived shortly after them, speaking briefly with Sam before heading to the vehicle. Sarah had opened the glove compartment, finding a couple of empty syringes. That was definitely something.

“That could explain the puncture marks,” mused Charlie.

“It could, though their particular location on the victims is odd,” replied Sarah, trying to make sense of the items. 

“Wait, what’s under there?” Charlie had noticed a bit of leather sticking out from the side of the driver’s seat.

Sarah noticed where he was indicating, and came around to join him on the driver’s side. Moving the seat back, she pulled out what looked like part of a belt. A couple of the holes were slightly larger than usual.

Sarah tested a theory, holding up the spent syringes to the larger holes.

“What if the victims were somehow drugged-” Sarah began.

“Before they were strangled.” Charlie had finished her sentence this time. 

She looked at him in mild amusement. He gave her a small smile.

“Wow, you two are pretty in sync,” Sam chimed in, giving Sarah a nudge as she approached. “The car is registered to a Lucas Boyle. It was reported as stolen 6 months ago. The forensics guys are working on prints, but the truck’s been sitting here so long...Anyway, hopefully we’ll get something.”

Sarah gave her techs instructions to bag the belt and the syringes. They’d also found a pair of men’s work boots.

“That seems sloppy,” Sam suggested.

“Yeah, he’s been careful not to leave any personal belongings at any of the crime scenes so far,” replied Charlie.

“So you think we’re looking for a male?” Sam asked.

“Statistically 85% of serial killers are men.” Sarah and Charlie had said the phrase in unison. 

Sam bit back a smile as her phone rang. “Detective Larson,” she answered. “Yeah...Okay…. Where? Okay, hang on, I’ll be right there.” 

She ended the call, turning to Sarah and Charlie. “I have to go, it’s the Thompson case, we have a suspect in custody. Are you guys good to head back together?”

 _No_ , thought Sarah.

“Yeah, no problem,” she replied.

*****

“It’s overkill,” Sarah speculated.

“Yeah,” replied Charlie. “Usually that’s a sign of escalation, but in this case, the MO is similar across all the known victims.” Charlie’s eyes were focused on the road as he contemplated what they’d found.

“And the distance between the victims doesn’t seem to fit any sort of pattern. Yet.”

“Maybe an accomplice?”

“It’s possible. It’s been hard to find a concrete link so far.”

They lapsed into silence, Charlie focused on the road, Sarah looking out the window.

“Exit’s up ahead,” she said finally.

He raised an eyebrow. “I know.” 

“When do you head back?”

“Tomorrow evening. You that eager to get rid of me already?”

She smiled. “No, Charlie, just making conversation.”

“Gotcha.”

They fell silent again.

What the hell, Sarah thought. “You want to grab a drink later?”

*****

The pub was relatively empty, despite the live band playing. They sat at a booth near the back, each sipping a beer.

They’d talked a bit more about the case. The conversation had turned to the SJPD team.

“So then Jesse tries to book the two dinner dates back-to-back, one right after the other, not realizing that the two women already knew each other, and they both showed up at the same time.”

Sarah laughed. “Oh, no.”

“Yeah. He really brought that one upon himself.” Charlie smiled.

“So what else is new over there?”

“Kelly’s pregnant.”

“She told me.”

“Right, of course. I know you two still keep in touch.”

Sarah nodded wistfully. She really should plan a visit one of these days. She did miss her former colleagues and friends.

“So how’s um...Chris? Kelly mentioned you were…” Charlie trailed off.

“I was.” Her response was short, indicating she didn’t want to talk about it.

He couldn’t help but notice that the ring he’d expected to see on her finger wasn’t there.

Sarah sighed, eyes downcast. “I’m sorry. I just...there’s not much to say.” She changed the subject. “What about you? How are you doing these days?”

“Oh, you know…” He shrugged.

“No, Charlie, I don’t.” Her eyes met his. “We said we’d keep in touch but…” It was her turn to trail off.

“Yeah. Yeah we did. I’m sorry.” The sadness in his eyes was unmistakable. 

“Don’t be. It was just as much my fault. I...I could have reached out.”

“I...I didn’t know what to say.” He knew it was a weak excuse before the words left his mouth. “And then it was...so much time had passed. It felt like anything I could say would have been too little, too late.”

Unconsciously Sarah brought a hand to scratch a phantom itch at a spot just below her ribcage.

A spot Charlie knew held a scar. A scar that had been his fault. 

Catching his eye, she smiled in what she hoped was reassurance.

“I’m fine, Charlie.”

“Yeah.” He still looked uncomfortable.

Trying to steer the conversation back, Sarah continued. “I’d always be happy to hear from you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She meant it.

After a moment, Charlie spoke again.

“I miss you.”

The words hung heavy in the air between them.

Tears sprang involuntarily to Sarah’s eyes. That was the absolute last thing she’d expected him to say.

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was shaky. “I...I can’t do this. I’m sorry.” Dropping a few bills on the table, she grabbed her coat and rushed out of the booth, heading out the door.

*****

Leaving the restaurant, Sarah tried to steady her breathing. She pulled out her phone, seeing a text from Sam.

_Another body in St. John’s. Pack a bag._

Dammit, she thought. Fate could be a real asshole.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer to what happened in the past. At least, I think we are.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't sure how quickly we'd get to what happened to Sarah in the past, but it's in this chapter. 
> 
> CW for (alluded to rather than actually described) gun violence.
> 
> There's also a tiny bit of...maybe fluffy angst? And a reunion.

_Charlie finished handcuffing the suspect. Why did anyone ever try to run from Rex?_

_He picked up his radio to call over one of the squad cars, when suddenly two shots rang out._

_Upon hearing the shots Rex took off, headed back in the direction of the original crime scene. The direction the shots had come from._

_Suddenly the radio was a flurry of activity, calls overlapping in quick succession._

_“He had an accomplice—”_

_“Suspect is down—”_

_“Officer down—”_

_“She’s not an—”_

_“We need a medic over here!”_

_His stomach dropped. No. Please no._

_He ran._

_Rex was already by her side, as were the paramedics._

_All he could see was the blood._

Charlie woke in his hotel room, drenched with sweat.

Fuck, he thought. Not today.

He checked the time. It was nearly 5:00. His alarm would be going off soon anyway. He’d had to move his flight up when the newest body had been found.

He sighed, heading for the shower.

*****

There was not enough coffee in the world for an early flight, Sarah thought as she boarded the plane.

Sam was already seated, giving her a wave as she walked past. With the last-minute booking, they’d been unable to get seats together.

Looking at her boarding pass, Sarah searched the aisle. She found her seat. She saw the occupant of the seat next to hers. 

The universe was conspiring against her.

Charlie looked up in surprise. She smiled sheepishly as she stowed her bag in the overhead compartment and took the seat next to his.

He looked as exhausted as she felt.

“Hey,” she offered weakly.

“Hi,” he replied.

Sarah leaned back, closing her eyes for a moment. The flight wouldn’t be long, but they couldn’t just ignore each other the whole time. Especially when they’d still need to work together after they landed.

“Charlie,” she began. “I’m sorry about the way I left last night.”

“It’s okay,” he replied softly. “I um...I shouldn’t have put that on you. I’m sorry.”

Well at least they were talking. That was something.

Sarah’s phone chimed from her pocket as an email notification came in. She pulled it out to read the message.

Charlie couldn’t help but notice her screensaver. It was a picture of Sarah, seated, arms around a yellow Labrador retriever.

“Who’s this?” he asked.

Sarah smiled. “Daisy. She’s 2. I got her from a local rescue about a year ago.”

“She’s beautiful.” He smiled at the image. It warmed his heart to know that she’d gotten a dog. Her bond with Rex had always been so strong, of course it made sense that she’d want that kind of companionship in her life.

“She really is, and she’s the sweetest dog. Other than Rex, of course.”

“Well he really is one of a kind.”

“Yeah. I’ve, um...I’ve missed him.” More than she’d ever let him know.

“He’ll be happy to see you.”

“I’ll be happy to see everyone.” She paused, considered her next words. “And I am happy to see you, Charlie. No matter how we left things...I just, I want to know you’re okay.”

“I’m working on okay,” he replied.

She raised an eyebrow at him in silent question.

“It’s...never mind.”

“You know you can still tell me anything, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s just...another time, okay?” He met her eyes, silently pleading for her not to push him right now.

She understood. “Okay.”

Sarah closed her eyes again as the plane took off, thinking she’d rest for a moment. She quickly drifted off.

*****

The plane was approaching St. John’s.

Sarah had shifted in her sleep, head coming to rest on Charlie’s shoulder. 

As much as it pained him, he couldn’t help the twinge of longing he felt at her familiar weight against him. He wanted to put his arm around her, to pull her close. But he had to wake her up.

“Hey,” he nudged her gently.

She slowly opened her eyes, not fully awake, feeling relaxed, comfortable. Her eyes flew open once she realized her position, and she practically jumped out of her seat as she pulled away from him.

“Oh! I’m so sorry.”

“Well it’s not the first time you’ve fallen asleep on me,” Charlie chuckled softly. “At least you didn’t drool.”

She swatted him playfully on the arm. He just laughed.

It felt like they were getting back a bit of their old rhythm.

*****

Sarah drove the familiar route to the SJPD headquarters, Sam riding in the passenger seat.

“Enjoy your flight?” Sam asked with a knowing look.

“I slept through most of it,” Sarah replied, knowing what her friend was hinting at.

“So no catching up with Charlie then, I take it.”

“No, um. We talked a little, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“What am I, under interrogation?”

“I’m curious. It’s in my nature.”

Sarah sighed. Damn detectives. She wasn’t getting out of this conversation.

“I think I told you about my injury, back when we first met. I was still finishing physiotherapy when I first moved to Halifax.”

“Yeah. Stray bullet, right? Totally shitty situation.”

“Yeah,” said Sarah. She’d mostly put it behind her, with the help of physio, working with a therapist, time, distance. “Anyway, Charlie was there when I...when it happened. He um...afterwards, while I was in recovery, he was there, physically at least, but he...he was pulling away. He was closing himself off. And that, right when I needed him...it felt like he shut me out.”

“Wow. Sarah, I had no idea.”

“It’s okay. It’s in the past. Except I guess it isn’t, because fate seems to be throwing us back into each other’s lives.”

“So you hadn’t talked to him since you left St. John’s?”

“Not much, at first, and then...then not at all.”

Interesting, Sam thought. “You think he blames himself?”

“I know he does. That’s exactly why he shut down. When I first met him, he’d been divorced for maybe a year, and he was the same way, closed off, afraid to let anyone in. That obviously changed as we got to know each other, as we became...But ever since that day...it’s right there in his eyes again. He’s closed off again. I don’t think he’d let me back in if I tried.”

“I don’t know about that. You guys seemed pretty solid when you were working together yesterday.”

Sarah had to admit that was true. “Yeah, well, we always did work well together.”

“You were finishing each other’s sentences.”

“Yes. That was weird.” But oddly familiar.

“It was cute.”

Sarah made an exasperated noise.

“You said you were going to get a drink with him last night,” Sam continued. “How did that go?”

“If I say I don’t want to talk about it, you’re not going to let it go, are you?”

“Not a chance.”

“He told me he missed me.”

“And?”

“And I ran away.”

“Wow.”

“Judge me all you want,” Sarah said, rolling her eyes.

“Do you miss him?”

She chose her words carefully. “I don’t know...I miss what we used to have, maybe. But that’s long gone.”

“You sure about that?”

“We’re here,” Sarah replied, thankful for the opportunity to avoid the question for now as they pulled into the parking lot.

“Don’t think I’m letting you off the hook, Truong,” Sam said with a smile.

Sarah just rolled her eyes again as she parked the car.

*****

Once inside the building, Sarah led the way to the bullpen, knowing the Major Crimes team would be waiting.

Rex practically knocked her over the moment she opened the door. Laughing, removing the dog’s paws from her shoulders, she embraced him around the neck. 

“I missed you too, Rex,” she said as she stroked his soft fur. He gave her a happy bark, wagging his tail.

“Sarah!” Jesse came over for a hug. “It’s so good to see you.”

“Hey, Jesse,” she said, returning the hug enthusiastically.

She found Joe standing by the display board, reached for him as well. 

“Nice to have you back here,” he said, affectionately clapping on the back. 

Charlie stood nearby, leaning a bit awkwardly against his desk, but smiling at the sight of Sarah with her former colleagues.

From behind Sarah, Sam cleared her throat.

“Hey guys, this is Detective Sam Larson, from Halifax PD. Sam, this is Superintendent Joe Donovan, tech specialist Jesse Mills, and this handsome fellow right here,” she ruffled the dog’s fur again, “is Rex.”

Sam exchanged handshakes with the men and bent down to scratch Rex behind the ears. 

“Nice to meet you all,” she replied. “Sarah didn’t mention you had a K9 unit in Major Crimes.”

“Actually, he’s my partner,” said Charlie.

Sam looked momentarily confused.

“Long story,” said Sarah. “Rex is an important member of the team.”

“Charlie, why don’t you fill us in on what you found in Halifax, and then we can get everyone up to speed on this latest body,” said Joe.

Charlie nodded, pulling up the case file on the digital display board.

*****

Sarah went downstairs to Forensics to see if the autopsy on the newest victim was complete. She knocked at the window of the lab that once been her own, seeing Kelly seated at her desk.

“Sarah!” Kelly exclaimed, getting to her feet. The small bump at her midsection was just beginning to be noticeable.

“Wow, look at you!” Sarah hugged the younger woman. “Congratulations again. How far along are you now?”

“Just shy of four months,” Kelly replied, beaming. 

“Well you look amazing,” Sarah replied. “I just wanted to check in with you, see if the autopsy report was available yet.”

“Hot off the presses,” Kelly replied, handing her a file folder. “Let me show you what we have.”

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I rush through the plot and try to squish fluff, near-smut, and angst all into one chapter. With minimal proofreading cause I'm tired. Enjoy.

A few days later, they had a vague description of their suspect from some hikers near where the St. John’s body had been found. It wasn’t a solid lead, but it was something.

The body had yielded some clues. Being a more recent kill, Kelly and Sarah had been able to find traces of the tranquilizer used on the victim, and had a few potential matches.

Charlie and Sarah had fallen into their old routine, once again in step with each other at the crime scenes, poring over case files at the precinct, exploring theories with the team in the bullpen. He’d brought her coffee a few times, partially out of habit, but also as a sort of peace offering.

The team had gone as far as they could, and the Halifax contingent would be leaving the next day.

Sarah said her goodbyes to the team, with promises to keep in touch, to visit again soon. It hadn’t gotten any easier. She really did miss them. All of them.

She left the bullpen, ran directly into Charlie in the hallway as he approached.

“Hey,” he said. “I thought I’d already missed you.”

“No,” she replied with a watery smile. “We leave in the morning. I’m just heading back to the hotel for the night.”

Charlie was silent for a moment, the weight of her leaving again settling in. He was terrible at goodbyes. And saying goodbye to her would never get easier.

“You want to come by later?” he asked, a little tentative. “We could order dinner.”

“Yeah,”she quickly agreed. “Yeah that sounds nice.”

*****

Sarah rang the doorbell at the familiar house. Charlie appeared quickly.

“Hey, come on in,” he said with a smile. “Food’s on the way. I hope you’re okay with Thai?”

“When have I ever said no to Thai?” she asked, also smiling, following him inside. 

The house looked exactly the same as it had two years ago. It was oddly comforting.

Rex trotted over to Sarah and lifted a paw in greeting. She bent down and took it, then hugged the dog tightly. 

“I’m going to miss you so much, buddy.” Her vision blurred a little as tears came to her eyes. She blinked them away.

She stood, noticed Charlie watching them with a look of sadness. He tried to hide it as she caught his eye.

“You want a beer?”

She laughed at the words she’d heard from him so many times before. “Sure, why not?”

Their food arrived shortly. Rex stole a few bites before retreating downstairs.

They sat at his kitchen table, eating, drinking, chatting amicably. It almost felt like nothing had changed. But so much had. The heaviness of their past still hung in the air.

They finished, cleaned up the take out containers.

“I should probably get going,” Sarah said, unable to hide the note of sadness in her voice.

“Yeah,” Charlie replied, a little reluctantly. “I’ll walk you out.”

She found her coat, put it on. “It’s been really nice to see you, Charlie. I’ll um...I guess I’ll talk to you once I’m back in Halifax.” 

He noticed she hadn’t said _home_.

“Yeah. Okay.” He didn’t want her to go.

She stood for a moment, not yet turning to leave. She made a quick decision, wrapping her arms around him in a gentle hug. His arms came around her waist, warm, familiar. Her cheek rested against his shoulder, his chin at her forehead. She breathed him in, his familiar scent still a comfort to her.

“Okay,” she murmured. “I should go.”

She slowly lifted her head, beginning to pull away. Still very much in each other’s space, their faces had ended up mere inches apart. He held her gaze, as they seemed to draw closer, until he finally closed the distance, kissing her softly.

This had ‘bad idea’ written all over it, and yet she couldn’t help but return the kiss, just as soft, a sigh escaping her as her lips parted. Kissing him felt like coming home.

He pulled back, met her eyes, searching for hesitation.

She shrugged off her coat before wrapping her arms back around his shoulders, pulling him back down to meet her lips. 

And suddenly it was no longer innocent.

The electricity that passed between them was as powerful as it had ever been. He walked them over to the couch, mouths crashing together. She moaned into his mouth as the kiss deepened, fingers scrambling to untuck his shirt, beginning to undo the buttons at his chest. His hand ran through her hair, pulling her to him, unable to get enough of the feeling of her lips on his. He pulled at the hem of her blouse, fingers slipping underneath. He pressed her back against the couch, hand coming behind her knee to draw her leg up around him, molding her to him as he ground his hips into hers.

Oh, she had missed this so much. She managed to get the last of his buttons undone, hands sliding up his chest before she wound her arms behind his neck to pull him firmly on top of her, maintaining that connection. His fingers began to work at the buttons of her blouse, stroking over the expanse of skin revealed as he managed to get it undone. Moving his fingers over her, he palmed her breast before running his hand lower, along the smooth skin of her abdomen. 

The skin marred in one particular spot by the scar he had just found.

His hand stilled.

She let out a groan as he pulled back. Damn him.

“We can’t do this,” he said, unable to meet her eyes.

“That’s funny, because it sure felt like we could just now.” Untangling herself from him, she sat up.”“What I think you mean is that _you_ can’t do this.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s it,” he said, eyes downcast as he moved away from her, taking a seat at the opposite end of the couch, running a hand over his face.

Sarah sighed.

“Charlie, you need to make up your mind, because I can’t...I can’t go through this with you again.”

“I’m sorry,” he said sadly. “I didn’t mean for this to happen tonight.”

"But it did,” she replied. “And you’re about to push me away again and I...I need to leave before it hurts too much.”

She stood, heading for the door.

“You already left.” It sounded more accusing than he’d intended.

“Charlie I left because you were already gone! After what happened, you shut me out completely.”

“I thought I was protecting you,” he said, standing, turning away.

“How the hell does that make sense? Protecting me from what?”

“From me.”

What? What was he talking about?

“From what happened. Sarah, you got shot because of me.”

“Are you serious right now?” She turned to face him, saw the emotions churning beneath the surface. “You are. You actually...you still blame yourself.” 

“If I hadn’t followed him into that building, his accomplice wouldn’t have had the drop on you and the others at the crime scene—”

“Charlie you have no way of knowing that. They lured us there. All of us. It was their plan to take down as many officers as they could, and we all got lucky that they only hit me.”

He looked at her, pain crossing his features. “I should have been with you.”

“Charlie you were doing your job!”

“And that’s what scares me! Because that day, when I saw you bleeding on the ground, I couldn’t separate the job from my feelings for you and you were hurt and I felt somehow responsible—”

“For something that happened to _me_ , while I was doing _my_ job, a job I did knowing full well the risks I took? Wow, Charlie, thanks for that confidence in me.” Her words were biting. That damn protective instinct of his, as if she was somehow his responsibility...it hurt that he could think of her that way. 

She took a breath. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this back then?”

“I honestly didn’t know how. I just...I thought that by keeping you at arms length, that somehow it would be easier.”

“And how’d that work out for you?”

“Well I fucked everything up, didn’t I? And things started to fall apart with us, and then I ended up on leave, and when I came back, you had one foot out the door. So yeah, I shut down. It’s what I do. It’s what I’ve always done.” He ran a hand over his face. “At least since—”

“Charlie, I’m not Julia!” Wow. She hadn’t expected that. “What you and I had...it was everything, and when you shut down again...” Tears in her eyes, she continued. “I needed you! And you were there, at first, during my recovery, and then you just...you pulled away from me, and I couldn’t take seeing you every day knowing that when I needed you…” She trailed off again, tears spilling over. “Do you have any idea how much that hurt? So when I saw the opportunity in Halifax, I took it. I didn’t have anything left to keep me here.” She scoffed. “That sounds so ridiculous, like you were the only reason I would have stayed.”

“Would you have?”

“I don’t know, Charlie. It didn’t seem like it was an option at that point.”

“So you moved on.”

“Yes, Charlie, I did. As far as I knew, we were over, and I wasn’t waiting anymore for you to figure out if...I waited long enough the first time around, you couldn’t expect me to just—”

“I didn't—”

“So yes, I moved on, I met someone, I was briefly engaged, but it didn’t...he wasn’t…” She wiped at her face, irritated with herself at how much her feelings for him still affected her. “Charlie you said the other night that you miss me. Do you think for a second that I don’t miss you every day?”

The words hung heavy between them.

“But I can’t keep doing this,” Sarah continued. “You can’t expect me to just fall back into your arms and pick up where we left off—”

“I don’t expect that—”

“Because I don’t think I need to remind you that where we left off wasn’t exactly great.”

He sighed. “I know. I know, Sarah, and I’m so sorry. I screwed us up so badly.”

She let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know...I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know if I can just let you back into my life. Losing you...it hurt so much, because not only did I lose the man I loved, I lost my best friend as well.”

“I’m seeing someone,” he began.

“Oh.” She turned to leave again.

“No, wait, that came out wrong. What I mean is, I’m seeing a professional. I have been for about a year now. And it’s...it’s helping. Slowly, it’s helping.”

She softened slightly. “I’m glad to hear that. I...I’m glad you’re getting some help.”

“It’s...it still comes back to me a lot of nights.” He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “I close my eyes, and it’s like it’s happening all over again. You’re there, and you’re bleeding out, and I can’t get to you in time, and every time I wake up covered in sweat I want to call you, just to know that you’re okay, that you’re breathing...and it kills me that I can’t, because I screwed up so badly.”

She let out a sigh. He hadn’t changed in that regard. He’d always try to bear the burden himself. “Charlie, you know I’d always pick up the phone. Always.” She paused. “I relive it sometimes too. I saw a therapist for quite a while. It’s...it gets easier, eventually. I don’t have as many nightmares as I used to.”

“I’m glad to hear that, and I hope to get there too. I just...I feel like I’m not whole, and I’m not...I'm not who I used to be. So I feel like if I reach out, that it’s not going to be enough. And I know I pushed you away. I regret that so much. I have to live with that every day, that I pushed the woman I love out of my life because I thought it meant you’d be safe.”

She noticed his use of the present tense. She wasn’t ready to process that.

She blinked back tears, checked her watch. “I need to go back to the hotel. We leave early tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” he said, resigned. “Yeah, I know.” He rose, going to the door with her.

She met his eyes, a sad smile on her face. “I do miss you. I mean that. More than you know.”

This time he reached for her, wrapping his arms around her tightly. She stiffened for a moment, then relaxed against him, arms around his waist.

“Can we...would it be okay if we talked more? Once you’re back home, I mean. I...Sarah I do want you in my life. In whatever capacity that looks like. If you want to, of course.”

“Yeah,” she acquiesced. “Charlie, I’d...I’d like that.” She gave him a tired smile. “I’ll call you when I get in tomorrow?”

“Okay.” He slowly released her. “I um...I’m going to miss you. A lot.”

“Me too,” she admitted. “I want you in my life too, Charlie. I just don’t know what that means yet.”

“I understand. I...it’s going to take time for me. But I don’t...you’re my best friend, too, and I hate that we lost that. I’d like to know if we can at least be friends again.

“I’d like that too.” She reached out, took his hand, gave it a gentle squeeze. “Goodnight.” With a final look at him, she turned and went to her car.

*****

Back at the hotel, Sarah quietly stepped inside. Not quietly enough, as Sam quickly knocked at the door to their adjoining rooms.

“How’d it—” Sam stopped as she saw Sarah’s tear-stained face. “Oh, no.”

“No, it’s...We had a conversation we needed to have a long time ago. It was just...it was a lot.”

Sam gave her friend a gentle hug. “Sounds like a start, at least.”

“Yeah. It is. We agreed to keep talking, and I think...Now that he’s in my life again, I don’t want to lose that. Even if we’re only ever just friends. That’s at least something.”

“It definitely is,” Sam replied, releasing her embrace. “It sounds like you two had something really special.”

Sarah smiled. “Yeah. Yeah, we did. Maybe we still have some of it.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're healing. This is good.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Healing. Feelings. Healing and feelings.

Back home, Sarah settled in before picking up the phone to call Charlie. 

He answered on the first ring.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hi. How was your flight?”

“It was fine.”

“That’s good.”

Great. They were going to end up mired in small talk.

She heard a bark in the background. Daisy perked her ears up.

“Rex says hi.”

Sarah laughed. “Is that what he says?”

“Yeah, um...he says he misses you. Wishes you were still here.” 

“Well, tell Rex the feeling’s mutual.”

“I will.” She heard another bark. “Yeah, yeah, I told her.”

“Dork,” Sarah said with a smile. “So what else does _Rex_ say?”

“He enjoyed spending time with you this past week. He’s...he’s really happy to be talking to you again.”

“So am I,” she replied. “Talking to...Rex, that is.”

It was Daisy’s turn to bark.

“Is that Daisy? Hi there,” said Charlie.

“I’ll be sure and tell her you say hi. So, what else are you guys up to today?”

“Just out for a walk right now, then I think maybe barbecue for dinner.” Sarah could hear Rex bark his approval. “Apparently that’s a yes on barbecue. What are you up to?”

“I just got home a little while ago. I need to take Daisy for a walk, get some groceries.”

“Sounds good. Well...I can let you go, if you want.”

“Sure. Hey, Charlie?”

“Yeah?”

“Call me any time, okay? Just...if things get difficult, if you’re struggling...I know how lonely it can be.”

There was a long pause on the other end. “Thanks. I will. I promise.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Sure.”

“Charlie…”

“Yeah?”

“I do miss you.”

“I miss you, too. We’ll talk soon.”

“Okay.”

She hung up, mixed emotions flooding through her. Daisy came to her side, laid a comforting paw on her lap. 

“Thanks, girl. Let’s go out.”

*****

The next few weeks passed by, both of them occupied with other cases. They talked on the phone a few times a week, sent texts back and forth, sent each other pictures of the dogs.

Their easy friendship seemed to be slowly returning. 

He called her a few times, late at night, after waking up panicked. It didn’t seem to be happening as often anymore. That felt reassuring, like he was finally healing.

She was always patient, talking him through it. Listening to him breathe with her. Reassuring him that she was okay, that they were okay. 

He’d apologize for waking her up, she’d tell him to stop apologizing so much. He always would anyway.

She never minded his calls. She was happy she could at least be there for him, even if it was from a distance.

*****

Sam watched the shift happen.

They’d be at a crime scene together, or having lunch at the precinct. Sarah’s phone would buzz, she’d check it, and a tiny smile would come to her face as she read whatever the message was, quickly sending one back.

Her friend was smitten and didn’t even realize it. It was cute. She said so.

“I am not,” Sarah protested. “We have a lot to work through before we could ever...No, you know what, my first comment stands. I’m not.”

“Whatever you say…” the detective trailed off with a knowing smile.

*****

Sarah’s birthday came. A bouquet of daisies in her favourite colours greeted her at her desk. She inhaled the soft scent, smiling as she read the card from Charlie. Well, more specifically from Charlie and Rex.

She went out for a drink with some colleagues after work, then headed home. 

She called him later that evening.

“Happy birthday,” he answered.

“Thank you, Charlie. The flowers are beautiful.” She’d arranged them on her kitchen table.

“Always. Did you do anything fun?”

“Nothing exciting, just drinks with some people from work.”

“That sounds nice.”

“Yeah.”

“I wish we were closer, I’d have taken you for dinner.”

“You’re sweet. I’d have liked that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Goodnight, Charlie.”

“Goodnight, Sarah.

Okay, she thought, she might be verging towards smitten. Not that she would ever admit it.

*****

Sarah woke in a cold sweat, struggling to catch her breath.

She hadn’t had a nightmare like this in months.

Daisy was instantly by her side, whimpering. She stroked her hand through the dog’s fur, trying to ground herself.

Hesitating a moment, she picked up her phone.

Charlie’s voice was husky with sleep as he answered.

“Sarah? What’s wrong?” he asked, alarmed.

“Nothing, I…” She choked out the words, drew in a ragged breath.

“Was it a dream?” he asked knowingly.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry. You were sleeping.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. When’s the last time you had one like that?”

“Um…” she thought for a moment. “It’s been a few months, at least.”

“Okay. You want to talk about it?”

“No, I…I’d rather not. I just...I needed to hear your voice.”

“Any time. Can I do anything?”

“Can you just stay for a few minutes?”

“I’m here for as long as you need me.”

“Thank you.” She breathed deeply, taking comfort in the dog beside her, the voice on the phone.

“Deep breaths. That’s good.” She’d helped him through enough of these, he hoped he could do the same.

“I wish you were here.” Her voice sounded small, far away.

“Me too, sweetheart. I’d...I want to hold you close. Let you know you’re safe. Because you are. You’re safe.”

“Yeah.”

“Am I helping at all?”

“Yeah. Yeah, Charlie. Thank you.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be there with you.”

“It’s okay. I...I can remember the feel of your arms around me.”

“I’m glad. I would love to have you in my arms right now. I miss that. Just holding you.”

“I do too.” She missed his touch. 

“You sound like you’re a little calmer.”

“I am. I think I’ll be okay. Charlie?”

“Yeah?

“Thank you.”

“Always. Goodnight. Call me again if you need to, okay? No matter what time it is.”

“I will. Goodnight.”

*****

Sarah woke in the morning, having drifted off to a dreamless sleep shortly after speaking to Charlie.

She picked up her phone, sent him a message.

_Thank you for last night._

His response came.

_No thanks needed. I’ll always be there for you._

Tears sprang to her eyes at his words. Those were the words she’d longed to hear from him, before they'd fallen apart, before she’d left. 

_You have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you, Charlie._

_Always. Have a great day._

_You too._

*****

She called him again that night.

“Hey, you,” he answered.

“Hi,” she said softly.

“You doing okay?” He heard the emotion in her voice.

“I am. I just...I wanted to talk to you again...about what you said earlier.”

“Remind me?”

“That you’ll always be there for me.”

“I meant every word.”

“I know.” She took a breath. “I just…” She couldn’t find the words. “I think...I think that was what I needed to hear. Back then.”

He paused. “I regret so much that I didn’t say it to you every day.”

Her voice caught in her throat at his words.

“I regret a lot of things,” he continued. “The time we lost. The distance between us, physically, but also...I know I pushed you away when you needed me. I know I hurt you, and I live with that regret every day, and I could spend a lifetime trying to make it up to you, but it would never be enough.” His voice was thick with emotion. “I know we can’t get that time back, but moving forward, I want...I need to be more open with you. More honest. And I’m working on it. It’s hard, but I...I’m working on it.” 

“Charlie...” She sniffed, a tear rolling down her cheek as she searched for a tissue. “Thank you.”

“Are you crying? I’m sorry, I...I never want to make you cry.”

“It’s okay,” she replied. “It’s...it’s really okay. I just, I haven’t heard you talk like this before and it means...it means so much.”

“I’m glad,” he said softly.

“I’m heading to bed, but I just wanted to say…” She couldn’t find the words. “Thank you again.”

“Always. Goodnight, Sarah.”

“Goodnight, Charlie.”

She hugged her pillow to her chest, wishing she could somehow feel him next to her. 

Dammit. She was definitely smitten.


End file.
